As I have previously posted about, I have been on this journey for almost two years. I have gone from a pasta loving, cokeaholic (the soft drink variety!), binge drinking, self-hating twenty something to a vegie juicing, meditating, whole foods chef. I have fallen off the wagon more times than I can count and I am now in this in between state where I usually start the week off as a wellness warrior but end it in a messed up I-don’t-care-anymore binge fest! And I think I have figured out why!
When I first figured out what was going on with my body the naturopath described my body as TOXIC. This and all its negative connotations sent me right into a space of fear. I began a strict 12 week elimination diet/cleanse to help repair my body. BUT I did it out of fear. I was scared I would be sick, lethargic and depressed forever. I hated feeling like that and I made myself do the hard yards to make it stop. And it worked! 12 weeks later I was feeling much better! I had lost 5kg, had healed my food allergies, my skin was clear and glowing, my energy levels had improved and I was more emotionally stable.
Slowly but surely I started reintroducing the old favourites back into my diet. First it was a bit of coke at a dinner with friends, then it was some chocolate at work and before I knew it things were back to normal. I was angry at myself for stepping away from my wellness journey and the fear crept back in. And so started this little wellness merry-go-round. I would be scared of getting sick and be healthy… slack off and hate myself for it… and the fear would return.
It is only recently through my work with Connie Chapman's 90 Day Transformation Guide that I have begun to look more closely at these fears and lack of motivation. If my motivation is from a place of fear I am telling myself I am not enough just as I am. I am judging myself for not being perfect.
Instead, I need to approach this journey from a space of love. I need to love myself enough to make nourishing choices and love and accept where I am right now. Sure… I may make some not so great choices but I need to love and accept where I am right now!
Last week Tara Bliss also posted about an approach which I am keen to try out. She speaks about setting yourself small intentions or choices for each day. Rather than looking at the end result of self-love or in my case, wellness, break it up into attainable baby steps.
Just for today, I choose to have two vegie juices.
Just for today, I will move my body before I go to work.
Just for today, I will meditate for 20min and sit with my feelings.