It has begun! But I am off to a bad start...
It all started well, I went out and bought matching stationary, new pens, colourful post it notes. I was all pumped for my new beginning, but then things got busy. Really busy! April was full of hens weekends, travelling for my fiancé's rugby games, weddings, professional development and meetings after school, visiting family, stress and generally just business. The first thing to slip was my healthy diet. First it was a few extra take away nights here and there, then I stopped juicing and then it was a full on blow out on junk food!
It didn't take long for this to affect my health, mood and energy levels. Naps on the couch and unusually early nights became an every day occurrence. More grumpiness, lack of patience and feelings of stress and anxiety started to pop up again. Ugh when will I ever learn?? It's all connected and I need to stay on top of my diet in order to feel the way I want to feel.
It is very frustrating knowing that I know the way I need to live to feel my best but for some reason I am sabotaging this. But why?
The pre work for the project is all about intentions and fears. My main intention for this 90 days is to transform my life. I want to feel healthy, energetic and happy but to have this I need to do the work. I have set aside time for the workbooks, videos and online chats but I need to focus more on the every day stuff. I need to set aside time to plan meals, shopping lists, and even prepare food for the week ahead when I start to get busy.
I have mapped out my morning routine to support my journey but not once have I woken up and implemented it. Why?? Am I just lazy? Expecting too much of myself? Or is there something else blocking me?
The project also encourages self awareness. And even re-reading this I am getting an insight into my ego and some of the negative self talk that is happening inside my crazy mind.
My on going intention is to find a career that supports my journey. One that helps me live my best life and perhaps helps others transform their own. The project has already shone a light on my fears around leaving my current job. My fear of failure and not being good enough are crippling any dreams or intentions to create a new career. I also suffer from ''comparisonitus''. Reading others blogs, books and journeys I wonder if I am good enough, smart enough, credible enough, strong enough to do the things they have done.
These fears are making me play it safe. I am unable to take risks, try new things and even be myself. It is influencing my ability to truly love myself and stopping me from living a healthy life.
The project encourages me to choose love instead of fear. To choose a loving perspective instead of believing the fear based stories I am telling myself. My challenge this week is to sit with my fears, to process and release the way I am feeling instead of trying to fix it.
Goals for the week:
* green juice every day
* commit to a simplified morning routine (meditation, juice, shower, pack lunch, school)
* write a shopping list and meal plan for the week and stick to it.. no take away!
* choose a loving perspective